Confirmation of her parents’ deaths came swiftly to Iris Weinstein Haggai.
The news of her father Gadi’s murder on October 7th reached her on December 22nd. Six days after the assaults, news reached her mother Judi that she, too, had been killed by Hamas.
Afterwards, Weinstein Haggai and her loved ones were faced with an unfathomable choice. Could they sit shiva, as is customary for Jews after the passing of a loved one? Hamas continued to possess the remains of Judi and Gadi.
There was ultimately a small family gathering in Toronto, where some members of the Weinstein Haggai clan grew up and still live. After that, Judi and Gadi’s friends, neighbors, classmates, and extended family gathered virtually twice through Zoom to celebrate.
Although Weinstein Haggai and her three siblings were not present at the Zoom meetings, they did view the recordings of them afterwards. It was heartbreaking to hear her parents’ (two “peaceniks” who were out for their morning stroll when Hamas attacked) eulogy after eulogy.
I couldn’t face the thought of it being definitive at this point in my life. Because I am not in a position to bury someone,” Weinstein Haggai, 38, explained to AWN. It was difficult for me to listen to folks talk about them in a ceremonial way, as if it were a shiva. Plus, I just couldn’t be a part of that.
Andrea Weinstein, who resides in Connecticut and is Judi’s younger sister, made the journey to Toronto for the small family gathering. She recalled that there was a moment when the present rabbi looked confused. He explained to his loved ones that he had been trying to think of a prayer that would be appropriate for the situation, but had come up empty.
“Is this something that is prayed for?” Apparently, the rabbi was wondering aloud, according to Weinstein. “Nothing actually addresses this. Something is amiss here.
Many families of the hostages kidnapped by Hamas are in the difficult position of trying to grieve and respect the life of a loved one who has passed away before they have the opportunity to bury their bodies. So far, the bodies of three American hostages—Judi Weinstein Haggai, Gadi Haggai, and Itay Chen—who were dual citizens of Israel and the United States have been identified.
Their loved ones insist that returning the dead is the only way to find closure.
It remains unresolved in my opinion. It is my responsibility to ensure that they are laid to rest in a dignified manner,” Weinstein Haggai stated. Rest is evading me. I need a break.
On October 7, the Israeli military assassinated Itay, a soldier who was 19 years old. The Chen family welcomed guests and relatives to their house for a number of days after hearing the terrible news. They also went on a memorial march from their house to the synagogue in their neighborhood.
The dead aren’t a bargaining chip,
His dad, Ruby Chen, was in Washington, DC, this week meeting with high-ranking US officials, including Vice President Kamala Harris and President Joe Biden’s national security advisor Jake Sullivan, as part of a group of relatives of American hostages.
Since October 7, Chen has attended multiple in-person meetings with Sullivan, including this week’s. However, this was the first since March 12, when the Israeli government officially proclaimed Itay dead.
Chen expressed his anticipation of a day without Sullivan in an interview that was published earlier this week. Chen claimed that he and his wife will not be able to stop attending meetings with officials from the Biden administration until they receive their son’s body back.
Chen stated that he urged the US authorities to make a swift push for the repatriation of the deceased hostages in addition to the living ones during his talks with Sullivan and Harris this week.
“The dead should not be used as bargaining chips,” Chen stated. “The dead shouldn’t have to take precedence over the living. I am cognizant of the reality that the living face a far more challenging timeline. The dead, however, need not wait for death to claim their reward.
The current talks between Israel and Hamas, which are being mediated by the US, Qatar, and Egypt, to establish a temporary truce in Gaza and free hostages held by Hamas, are what Chen is alluding to. The aged, wounded, and sick would reportedly be among the first to be released, according to negotiators. The bodies of the hostages will be among the last to be freed, according to AWN’s prior reports.
Weinstein, who was present at the vice president’s meeting this week, stated, “There needs to be pressure to release those who are living and presumed living – and those who are no longer alive.”
It was her goal, as well as Chen’s, that “parallel” discussions take place simultaneously, one for the swift release of the alive hostages and another for the disposition of the dead.
According to Chen, Sullivan and Harris were open to their requests. According to Weinstein, the VP was “truly present in the room, really listening and taking it all in.”
The speaker expressed her belief that the individual showed support for both the families and the intricate problems at hand.
The vice president met with the relatives, and according to a White House transcript, they brought up the American hostages’ remains. “Harris reaffirmed the US commitment to bring home the remains of those who have been tragically confirmed to be deceased,” that statement read.
According to a White House official who spoke with AWN, the recovery of the bodies is still a very important and active component of the continuing discussions to release the hostages.
The physical remains of loved ones plague families
Judi Weinstein Haggai was a poet who frequently penned haikus, occasionally on the topic of peace; Gadi Haggai was renowned for his talents as a jazz musician and chef. The pair “took extraordinary care of their bodies,” according to Andrea Weinstein, Judi’s sister, who lovingly calls Judi her “tiny big sister.”
They were a creative force both individually and collectively, and she added that they kept themselves well-nourished so that they could be creative. “Gadi would simply mince a bit more if you wished to partake in their salad.”
The Chen family has spoken highly of their son Itay, calling him a “happy boy” who was “always smiling.” The Chens have been inundated with anecdotes about Itay’s amazing laugh, passion of helping others, and hilarious antics after his death from friends and family. His legacy as the finest friend they ever had will live on in their hearts forever. Hagit Chen gushed about the stunning young man to AWN’s Jake Tapper.
The crushing fear that their loved ones might perish in Gaza soon after October 7 tore the Chens, Weinstein Haggai, and Weinstein to shreds. Their kid, parents, sister, and brother-in-law were all tragically killed, and the thought of never seeing their bodies again has plagued them ever since they found out.
“I don’t want him to rot in some hellhole in Gaza,” Chen remarked, speaking of his kid. He should not be treated with that level of disrespect. The savages claimed his corpse.
It will be one month till Yom Hazikaron, the Memorial Day of Israel. The thought of her parents’ remains being stuck in Gaza sickens Weinstein Haggai, much as it does Chen. She worries that her family will never be able to afford a suitable place to visit her parents.
A specific funeral ritual, known as a shiva, is highly significant in Judaism. This is of the utmost importance, and with good cause. “I need closure,” she murmured. “And we are unable to grieve their passing at this moment, despite our knowledge of their demise.”
